Embracing His Good Gifts (Even the Earthly Ones!)

Over the last couple years, one of the most formative truths I've been holding on to and learning to rest in is that God doesn't withhold anything good from His children. In fact, He says that if we delight in Him, he WILL give us the desires of our hearts. See Psalm 37:4. This certainly doesn't mean that He just gives us things because we are light-heartedly joyful that He'll give us nice things. No; this has to do more with us uniting our hearts to and resting and rejoicing in Him. The more we delight in His character and the reality of WHO He is, the more our heart's desire will conform to His will. More on this from my July 11, 2020 post. 

As I mentioned above, I've truly been holding onto this truth and trying to make it my own, from my heart. I've met with people and encouraged them to hold on to this reality. I've fully believed it for others. I thought I believed it for myself. Three months ago, God gave me an earthly gift I wasn't expecting, and am still afraid to fully embrace. 

Just as I was beginning to see how beautiful and full my life was as a single person (sure, I wanted to get married and hoped and prayed it would happen "someday"; I just knew "now" wasn't the time and tried not to worry about the future), my life took a sudden turn when a blast-from-the-past acquaintance, Adam, messaged me on a group chat and invited me to a casual dinner gathering at his house. Contrary to my norm of not typically hanging out with a group of people who are all virtually strangers (I've got my introvert limits, okay?), I decided to go -- I'd recently been feeling a desire to build community and grow more in relationship with other believers even outside of my church body context.

It was a super chill evening with six young people total, and we all parted ways without thinking much of it. I enjoyed myself but didn't think Adam had an interest in me besides growing his community, and wasn't sure if I'd see him again in the near future. The next morning, I received a message from him, asking if I'd like to grab coffee. This was a pretty big surprise, but while I doubted it would go anywhere, decided to agree, because "why not?" -- in the last couple months I'd decided that there wasn't anything wrong with going on a "casual date" with someone instead of putting the pressure of having a first date only after you were sure you really wanted to head in the direction of marriage (or something).

We had our "casual date," which lasted about four hours, and he asked if I'd like to go to dinner the next week. Since I'd outright asked him the blaring questions I had about his theology and lifestyle during our "casual" meeting and didn't see any red flags yet, I agreed. We met a week later and, after talking for eight hours, we decided to actually "date" to get to know each other with the purpose of determining if we might want to get married.

Long story short, we spent the next three months intentionally talking, doing "life" things, hanging out with each other's family and friend groups, and visiting each other's church, and found that we really melded and complemented each other. I decided I for sure loved and wanted to marry him on December 12, 2021, after seeing him respond to a difficult situation in a way that only someone with true character could (but I didn't tell him I loved him; he had to be the first one to say the words -- I'm old school).

On December 26, 2021, we took a nonchalant walk through a snowy park. We stopped at a dock to enjoy some unique ducks, look for the elusive nutria, and to have a calm, peaceful moment as we overlooked the pond. Somehow we went from a relaxed side embrace to him pulling away, getting on one knee, and asking me to marry him. The nonchalant walk suddenly became much more "chalant," but I had/have no complaints.

Adam is one of the kindest, most genuine, servant-hearted, Jesus-loving, and sweetest people I have ever met (he's also just a little bit cute (in a manly way), but you didn't hear it from me). He's not perfect, but I see Jesus in Him, and I am so excited to take on life as his partner.

While we aren't married yet, I am so blown away that God would bring a godly man into my life so suddenly, and for us to determine so quickly (anyone who knows me knows I don't usually rush into things) that we could build a life together that could truly further His Kingdom. To be honest, part of me is still afraid that it won't work, that God is going to play a joke on me by waving this beautiful thing in front of my face and then taking it away. But this is not faith. This is not believing and trusting in His goodness. This is not accepting His GOOD gifts! While there's always a chance that He may have something aside from marriage to Adam in mind for me, I want to change the idea of God playing a "cruel joke" to "He is always good, no matter what." And at the moment, the right thing to do is rest in the reality of this wonderful, earthly gift of relationship and marriage He's given me with Adam.

And so, I'm learning that while I've been theoretically believing that God does not withhold any good thing from His children, my faith in His good gifts to me -- Sonia -- has been pretty sad. Jesus is so faithful and gives us good earthly and spiritual gifts; His timing is impeccable, and we do not need to fear. 

Held fast by Jesus,

Sonia