The end of my relationship was preceded by growing unrest and it took a while for me to figure out that it was God's will that our relationship as it was end. I'm so thankful for the relationship and the time we spent together, for we not only had a nice time, but God showed me (and, I think, him), several areas where growth and repentance were needed. So, while I wish it hadn't ended as it did and miss the relationship, I see God's hand at work; I can't say for certain, but I think He brought us together to help us grow in Him and to better prepare us for the future, albeit separately.
In light of once again being single, and not desiring (well, not ready for) another relationship quite yet, I am encouraged (trying to be encouraged!) that now is an incredible opportunity for me to better learn to serve Christ with undivided attention, as is said in Scripture of those who are not engaged/married.
A few things I hope to grow in, based on the above opportunity to serve Christ with "undivided attention," I am praying that God will enable me to:
1) Build deeper and more meaningful relationships with family and friends -- I am trying to get back into really investing into other people and expanding my circle of meaningful relationships.
2) Increase in serving and loving others, specifically in the body of Christ.
3) Continue to learn Russian -- and get to the point where I can carry a -- even brief -- conversation beyond the basics of subjects such as "what is your name?"; "where do you live?"; "where do you work?"; and "how many kids do you have?"
God is faithful, and while life throws us curve balls we sometimes don't like, we need to count the cost of following Him. I'm currently reading Something Needs to Change by David Platt, and he was talking about being convicted about truly counting the cost of following Christ. How many of us in America suffer physical, familial, or even true financial hardship for the sake of Christ? If people around the world are literally losing everything for Him, how much more should we privileged Americans be willing to give up a little comfort and dignity for the sake of Jesus?
A passage I've been thinking a lot about lately is Philippians 3:8-14:
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on fait— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.While my situation is much different than Paul's, I want to joyfully count the cost -- whatever that may be -- of following Him, remembering that Christ has made me His own. This terrifies me, as I currently just want to have a family and live an easy, quiet life. But, I am praying for the strength to joyfully accept whatever God throws my way; hopefully it will just be meeting a nice guy, getting married, and raising a family, but I can no sooner see the future than get over my fear of arachnids.
Hold fast to Jesus!
Sonia
