Am I Giving What I Cannot Keep?

The morning is flying by all to quickly, so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to write, but I wanted to share a thought that has been marinating for quite sometime, in hopes I'll be able to make a bit more clarity (and conviction) out of it. 

I recently finished reading Shadow of the Almighty: the Life & Testament of Jim Elliot, a biography of Jim Elliot's life. The book was filled with Jim's journal entries and excerpts from his letters to his friends and family. His life was truly dedicated to Christ; His focus was Christ and spreading His kingdom. One of his most famous quotes, which happens to be on the cover of the book, is  "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." Elizabeth Elliot, Shadow of the Almighty: the Life and Testament of Jim Elliot np (1979). 

Wow. As humans, we have no control over our day of birth nor over our day of death. See, e.g. Matthew 6:27. As Christians, we will only find true joy and peace after we have surrendered all to our Lord. Am I surrendering everything to Him? Am I willing to count everything in this world a LOSS for the WORTH of knowing Christ Jesus?

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. 

Philippians 3:8-11 (English Standard). "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:39 (English Standard).

On a practical level, it's often difficult to KNOW what living in complete surrender looks like. I mean, what is God's will? How do I KNOW if I'm doing the right thing (this is in every day decisions as opposed to just NOT outwardly sinning)? Here, I believe that our Lord will lead us, even though we may need to wait on Him for the answers. He does not withhold anything good from His children. See, e.g., Psalm 84:11 (there are several other passages about this). 

As Jim Elliot said to his friend, Pete: "I have not the foggiest idea how or where God will lead you. Of this I am sure. He will lead you and not let you miss your signs. Rest in this--it is His business to lead, command, send, call, or whatever you want to call it. It is your business to obey, follow, move, respond, or what have you." Elliot, supra, at 150. 

Jim Elliot's biography later quoted a poem by Nathan Burma, part of which said, "And shall I pray Thee change Thy will, my Father, Until it be according to Mine? But no, Lord, no; that never shall be, rather I pray Thee, blend my human will with Thine." Id. (unknown page number). 

He who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion! See Psalm 1:6. Oh, for grace to trust Him more! To follow His lead, hanging tightly to Him, as we go through this ride called Life.

Sonia

On A Lighter Note: My Attorney is...Taking a Nap?

Last Monday, while working steadily at my desk, my phone rang. As usual, I answered with a very business-like, "Good afternoon, thank you for calling ---, this is Sonia." So far so good. A typical call. However, the caller responded with, "hi, yes, I was there a few minutes ago looking for Jim" [so far still a typical call] "...and heard he was taking a nap. I was just calling to ask if he's awake and available now."

My brain froze and my professional facade began to melt. What? Jim, taking a NAP? And telling a client about it??? How is the client so chill about this? I envisioned my very hard-working boss taking a snooze in his office, and the image almost (did, later) cause me to laugh out loud. 

After a brief pause, I asked the caller, "um, are you looking for ATTORNEY Jim ---? This is a law firm..." to which the caller responded (much to my relief), "Oh!, I'm sorry, this isn't where Jim --- is? I thought I was calling a nursing home!" He then proceeded to apologize profusely for interrupting my day and wasting my time, to which I heartily (and sincerely) reassured him it was absolutely no problem at all.

And truly, it wasn't a problem. 

Truly This is the Son of God!

With the Easter season comes a renewed appreciation for and focus on the story of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection (especially nowadays, when the Bible App offers so many plans!). I read the below passage in Mark a couple of weeks back, and today read the cross-referenced passage in Luke. Please, take time to read them:

 "And Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed his last. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And when the centurion, who stood facing him, saw that in this way he breathed his last, he said, 'Truly this man was the Son of God!'" Mark 15:37-39 (English Standard).

"Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, “'Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!' And having said this he breathed his last. Now when the centurion saw what had taken place, he praised God, saying, 'Certainly this man was innocent!'" Luke 23:46-47 (English Standard). 

When I read the Mark passage a few weeks ago, the centurion's reaction to Jesus' death struck a cord; he saw the way Jesus breathed His last and recognized who Jesus was. I wonder, did he see Jesus, after being crucified, ask His Father to hold his murderers innocent? Did he see Jesus tell the thief next to Him that he would be with Him in paradise? Did he hear Jesus proclaim "it is finished" and "Father, into Your hands I commit my spirit"? Regardless of what this Roman centurion observed about Jesus, it was enough for him -- a blood-thirsty Roman -- to see that Jesus was not an ordinary man. What a testimony. This Roman saw that Jesus was the real deal.

When we hear about Jesus (and read, in detail, of His life, death, and resurrection on earth), what is our response? We can move on with our lives or we can consider the impact of Jesus.

I don't know about you, but this does a couple things for me. In one way, it convicts me about my lack of faith, negligent appreciation for the Gospel, and horrible unworthiness. At the same time, this reminds me of what an incredible, incredible Savior we serve. We have the completed canon of Scripture, we have the mystery of the Gospel revealed, we see God's beautiful creation, and we can know that our Jesus LIVES!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander, 
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.

When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur

And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee, 

How great Thou art, How great Thou art.

Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee, 

How great Thou art, How great Thou art! 

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing; 

Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in; 

That on a Cross, my burdens gladly bearing,

He bled and died to take away my sin.

When we consider all that God has done, consider Christ's obedience to the point of death on a cross, and read of His testimony on earth, let us proclaim, "my God, how great you are!"

May these scattered thoughts make some semblance of sense and be a blessing!

Hold fast to Jesus!

Sonia

Four Months into 2019: His Grace Is Still Sufficient (For Grace to Fully Comprehend This)!

This morning, my internal clock would not permit slumber past 6:15, despite staying up about an hour late to read a book, The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas (so far, I would recommend it!). Oh well, it's actually a blessing to be able to wake up early on a Saturday without being horribly exhausted and have quiet time to oneself. 

Three words come to mind upon reflection of the the past month of life: Revealing, Stretching, and Rebuking (to my OCD self in the future: not alphabetized because the order wouldn't be correct) .

Revealing: Through life circumstances, God has been revealing Himself to me so much by reminding me 1) of my wretched, sinful state; 2) His incredible Gospel of salvation; and 3) my failure to surrender all, including the guilt of my sin, to Him. 

Stretching: This past month, I participated in a group event with the person I'm dating, and learned a lot about "getting over" the discomfort of not being an official part of a close-knit group, putting off my selfishness. and learning to be content and joyful in all circumstances. Not saying I perfected this by any means; in fact, the entire day was an internal battle within myself. 

Further stretching has been in that area to which I alluded at the beginning of the above paragraph: being in a relationship. Never having been in a relationship, I have no prior experiences or emotions to check against the events and feelings I'm going through now. The past couple of months have been confusing, to say the least, and I'm struggling to know the will of the Lord, and what it looks like to know what brings Him the most glory.

Jim Elliot once said something along the lines of, "He is no fool of gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." I have been praying and thinking hard about whether or not I have truly been giving my entire life and heart to my Savior before anything else, including in my relationship. God's Word promises that those who trust in the Lord with their entire heart will be led by God (see, e.g. Proverbs 3:5-6), but He doesn't say that there isn't a waiting period in which our trust in Him is perfected through the unknown! In fact, He promises that those who "wait on the LORD" will renew their strength! See, e.g. Isaiah 40:28-31.

Rebuking: Finally, this month has been rebuking. As mentioned above, I've been challenged to examine my relationship to God, realizing that I am not fully surrendering myself (and my sinfulness) to Him; failed to see and know His glory; been self-focused; and  failed to love God above all else. In short, this passage rings true: "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."

Romans 7:24-25 (English Standard).

In closing (since it is nearly 8 a.m. and the morning is growing late), this passage we read during the high school group this week struck a cord and applies to what God has been revealing to me:

Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, ²to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. ³For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. ⁴But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, ⁵he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, ⁶whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, ⁷so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:1-7 (English Standard).

Nana reading to the Chunk (3) and Baby Em

Thankful for the opportunity to see this dear friend for a brief afternoon visit last week!

"Baca" (great-grandma) with Baby Em. A precious, precious moment.

Baby Lucy 

Enjoying a break-taking view of the beach a few weeks back -- this is the day spent with the new group of individuals. The beach was truly amazing, and God's glory was so evident in everything.

Baby Em continues to capture our hearts!

A trip to a different beach a week before the above beach picture! We had a lovely time visiting two light houses and walking several different trails.

We also visited an old military fort and had a little too much fun climbing the cannons and exploring the various buildings and trails.

Mozzarella and I are so blessed to be able to work together, she as the lovely face of the firm (receptionist) and me as a legal assistant.

The Chunk doing pre-running "stretches" with me.

A gorgeous flower, give from the bottom of his "heart and kidneys" (it's a phrase in Russian, and "kidneys" is now my favorite word to pronounce in Russian -- it's pronounced kind of like "pohych-kee") 

Hold fast to Jesus!

Sonia

March Newsflash: Some Things Don't Come As Easily as a College Degree

Over the last several months (since last September, actually), I've been struggling through attending a Russian class for English speakers that our church is teaching. It is a tremendous blessing to have this opportunity to learn to better communicate with those of Slavic background, and also to exercise my mind to learn a new language and way of putting words together. 

While there have been several victorious "aha!" moments, there have been several (severals of) moments where I feel like I'm trying to learn something impossible (imagine trying to swallow a mountain).  Tenses, cases, gender, and the list goes on. It's confusing stuff, and I doubt I'll ever achieve mastery over it.

Instead of throwing in the hat and calling it quits, though, I'm trying to change my perspective, swallow my pride (instead of a mountain), and stamp down my laziness. 

Perspective: Instead of thinking of how far there is to go, I'm trying to think of how far I've come -- Or, rather, how far God has brought me. I'm also realizing just how blessed I am to have people in my life who care enough to support and help me through this learning process. 

Pride:  I struggle with allowing people to hear my bad accent and witness my poor memory, but am learning to deflate my pride (which is much puffier than I ever imagined) and accept and even ask for help.

Laziness: Learning a new language, I've discovered, does not produce results nearly as fast as a two-month university course. Learning to read new letters, how to make new sounds, and remembering new words is a more difficult and requires more dedication. 

In expressing my frustration over my poor Russian reading skills to someone a couple months back, I shared how I used to cry a lot when I was a small child learning to read (English), and how learning this kind of thing does not come easily. My listener (sensibly) responded with, "well, now you'll just have bigger tears." While I found this highly amusing, this was an excellent point: Sometimes learning something requires painful work, and shedding tears because it's hard isn't a good excuse to quit.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:16-17 (English Standard). If we're doing everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, we're not going to let selfishness, pride, or laziness control us. Oh, for Christ's all-transforming grace to enable us to work -- at all times -- heartily, as unto Him!

Hold fast to Jesus!

Sonia (or, as I frequently write in Russian, Соня)

The Heavens Declare His Glory, and So Should We

 For the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of His hands.

²Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they reveal knowledge.

³Without speech or language,

without a sound to be heard,

⁴their voice has gone out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world.

In the heavens He has pitched a tent for the sun

⁵like a bridegroom emerging from his chamber,

like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

⁶It rises at one end of the heavens

and runs its circuit to the other;

nothing is deprived of its warmth.

⁷The law of the LORD is perfect,

reviving the soul;

the testimony of the LORD is trustworthy,

making wise the simple.

⁸The precepts of the LORD are right,

bringing joy to the heart;

the commandments of the LORD are radiant,

giving light to the eyes.

⁹The fear of the LORD is pure,

enduring forever;

the judgments of the LORD are true,

being altogether righteous.

¹⁰They are more precious than gold,

than much pure gold;

they are sweeter than honey,

than honey from the comb.

¹¹By them indeed Your servant is warned;

in keeping them is great reward.

¹²Who can discern his own errors?

Cleanse me from my hidden faults.

¹³Keep Your servant also from willful sins;

may they not rule over me.

Then I will be blameless

and cleansed of great transgression.

¹⁴May the words of my mouth

and the meditation of my heart

be pleasing in Your sight,

O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19 (Berean Study Bible).

The Maker of the ends of the earth, He to whom creation sings praises, is our Rock and our Redeemer, should we choose to accept Him! 

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" Romans 11:33 (English Standard).

Oh, for grace to comprehend the depth of the riches, wisdom, and knowledge of God!

(image taken on my iPhone earlier this week -- no filters. Creation truly sings His praises!) 

Three Years: My Grandmother, Gone but Not Forgotten

Three years since we said goodbye. Since she said said she loved us for the last time. Gone from this earth, but not forgotten. 

So much has happened in three years, and I wish so deeply that I could tell her about my life, ask her advice about things, and introduce her to people I’ve met. 

She would have been so happy to hear about our lives, and how much we are growing (and challenging us to grow more, reminding us (probably in a teasing voice) about how young we still are). 

Thanking God for the time we had with her, the memories we made, and the wisdom we gained. 

I have regrets, but when all is said and done, God is sovereign, and I am trying to focus on the blessing of the time we had with her rather than the things we did or did not say. Blessed be the name of the Lord, who gives and takes away. Who offers salvation to all.