Jars, Branches, and the Powerful Work of God

I'm not sure how to start this post, except with a truth about myself I don't like touting: my insecurity. Frequent spurts of insecurity of who and how I am and persistent feelings of loneliness, discouragement, and even failure. 

A few examples include thoughts such as: these people don't want me around; people think I'm always serious and don't know how to have fun; godly/eligible guys don't want to consider me for dating/marriage because I'm too old, boring, unattractive, or awkward; or my high school girls don't like me because I'm not "cool."

When these shamefully self-focused thoughts pass through my mind, I am (by God's grace alone!) decent about turning it over to Christ and praying for grace to stop focusing on myself so much and just push through the insecurity to focus on loving and serving others. But, the thoughts are always a step away, waiting to jump in as soon as I let my guard down (which is way too often).

After one such occasion of feeling down, I called my mom on the phone and expressed my frustration and discouragement. She followed up our call with a text the next morning: 

Regarding your feelings last night. Like I said, they are very human and common to man and not sin in themselves (as far as I know), but rather a backdrop for growth and glorifying God. I thought of an analogy: When I am concerned about my own 'glory' or 'shame ' - i.e. what others think of me, it is like a little worm (me, all of us 'worms') who is on top of [a mountain] in a morning with a glorious sunrise surrounded by lovely wild flowers and towering firs and a most glorious view, yet the poor worm is looking down at the dirt, worrying about what the other worms think of his dirty bow tie when he has the ability to show them the beauty around them. How incredible, that we are able, in Christ, to help others to see the glory of God!

She followed it up with a few verses, one of which is 2 Corinthians 4:5-7, which says "For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us."

In the time since my wise mother's exhortation, God has been blowing me away with a better understanding of what it means to be a jar of clay. Or, as in John 15, a branch. He didn't make a mistake when he created me, and I don't need to change who I am to be more effective in ministry and relationships. While I still feel like a mess half the time, I've been seeing Christ glorified through my feeble attempts to think of myself less and love and serve others more within the capacity He's given me.

When we're acting within the role God has created for us -- whatever that may be --  the focus shifts from the clay jar to what's inside; to the tree instead of the branch. To the Source of life instead of a flawed person who is sometimes "nice" or "fun."

So, while my little clay jar named "Sonia" isn't as cool, put together, or liked as my "self" would hope, God is bringing to completion the good work he began in me and is encouraging me by the reminder and rebuke that it's not about me and that surpassing power ultimately belongs to HIM.

Hold fast to Jesus!

Sonia

Freed to be a Slave!

 My small group is currently going through the book of Galatians, and it has been a pretty tremendous blessing to me, especially as someone who spent several years in a slightly legalistic church. We discussed the first half of chapter 5 this week, and the simplicity of the marvelous conundrum of us being freed from the bondage of sin so that we are free to become servants (literally slaves) to others (and ultimately Christ) has been so beautiful and inspiring to me. The entire section is incredible, especially the emphasis on the danger of relying on works of the law (works-based salvation) versus resting in God's saving grace by the Holy Spirit (see Galatians 5:1-6), but what I want to focus a bit more on is the following:

"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'" Galatians 5:13-14 (English Standard).

As born-again believers by the saving grace of Jesus and His transforming Spirit in our hearts, we are no longer in bondage under sin! There is no condemnation for us (see, e.g. Romans 8)! This isn't to say we are now perfect people; on the contrary, we still fall into patterns of sin (self focus; pride; anger; laziness; you name it, really). We are no longer bound or defined by these failings, though! They have no grip on us! The funny thing about this new freedom is that the Holy Spirit has not only freed us from the bondage of sin, but has actually filled us with a new heart, a heart that desires to use its freedom to be a slave to Christ and His people! 

Personally, I can be quite self-centered as opposed to Christ- or other-centered, but reading these words and being reminded that I am actually not bound to myself has been a liberating reminder! I pray for the grace to use my freedom to truly put off my reoccurring sins which cling so tightly (see, e.g. Hebrews 12:1-2), rest in Christ's grace, be filled with the Spirit, and love and serve others!

Sisters on the beach earlier this month 

Hold fast to Jesus!

Sonia

Scattered Thoughts About Psalm 139 and the Incredible God we Serve

Over the past few weeks, I've been mediating on Psalm 139:16, which says "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." (English Standard). 

Psalm 139 is one of the most well-known passages in the Bible, but verse 16 has really been hitting home lately -- he has FORMED every. single. one. of our days. Taken with the rest of the chapter (which discusses God's complete knowledge of our hearts and lives, his constant presence, and His protection of His children), this is bit scary and a lot encouraging. Jesus didn't just foreknow our lives (see what would happen); he literally formed every day -- He has created us for good works! See Ephesians 2:10. We have the "freedom" to follow Christ or not (free will); yet at the same time Christ has formed our days knowing exactly how we will respond. We are bound by His plan yet free to choose whom we will serve. A little bit mind-boggling. 

While my simple mind can't truly grasp these incredible (apparent) semi-contradictions, my responses are actually found in verses 6 and 23-24. First, incredible wonder: "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it." In other words, "wow. I can't even." Second, a desire to freely be able to proclaim to the God of the universe "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." 

I may not understand this conundrum of being free yet bound (maybe a more learned theologian can), but am praying for grace to live a life of wisdom and devotion to Christ (see, e.g., Ephesians 5:15) that is centered on loving Him first and others second, while also resting in His promise that He has formed every day and will use me, despite my failures, to further His glory and also bring me safely to Himself (see, e.g., Romans 8:28).

 

A Reminder that My "Wants" are Not the Same as My "Needs -- and that God is Faithful to Provide!

You know those days when you pick up a book you've been procrastinating to read, and then the words hit home and address exactly what you've been struggling with, as though they were written  just so you could read them that day? That happened to me yesterday evening. 

I purchased New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional by Paul David Tripp several weeks ago, and opened it for the first time last night, turning to the devotional for July 10; the topic was essentially "want" versus "need" and God's provision for the same. The opening quote for the entry was "You once desired it, but now you're persuaded that you need it. Once you've named it a need, it has you."

Almost without realizing it, I've begun to (again ::sigh::) allow certain "desires" (or "wants") in my life become "needs" that are leaching away at my joy, contentment, and belief in God's loving provision. While I "know" God has my best for His glory and my good in mind, my deep-rooted "wants" have rusted this knowledge in my heart and begun to erode my faith in His provision.

Tripp writes:

There is nothing evil about desire. God created us with the capacity to desire...Yet it is very hard for sinners to hold desire with an open hand. It doesn't take long for our desires to morph into demands ("I must"). The thing that was once a desire is now taking hold of us. We're less willing to live without it...Then demand morphs into need ("I will...")...We're now convinced that it would be impossible to live without it. It is now in control of our hearts. We think about it all the time. We are fearful when we're without it. We plot how to keep it in our lives.

Tripp goes on to describe how this need forms into expectation, which then turns into disappointment in God, followed by self-entitled anger toward him. 

We can't believe that God would say that he loves us yet not meet this "need." The fact is, God has been faithful to all that he's promised us, but this desire that morphed into a need is not something he's promised to give us...Because we now judge God as unfaithful, we quit trusting him as we should and let go of our good habits of faith.

God doesn't promise us earthly possessions, physical health, or relationships; He promises something much, much better: what we need. 

This is an incredible truth, and one I pray for God's grace to hold onto. I pray for the strength to look to Jesus while holding an open hand to my desires -- He does not withhold any good thing from his children! In fact, the more we trust and delight in Him, the deeper He transforms our desires to align with His will! 

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 (English Standard).

“…your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:8b (English Standard).

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:30-33 (English Standard).

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? . . . I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:31-35, 38-39 (English Standard). 

A Lesson From My Teacup Garden

Two weeks ago today, I planted a little herb "garden" on my bathroom window sill, and checked it eagerly every day (possibly multiple times a day...) for any green buds to pop through the dirt. 

To my tremendous joy, six days after planting, I saw the first hints of green popping through. As the day progressed, a couple more little plant babies popped through. Today, there are several happy little stems in all three pots, eager for sunlight. 

As I was checking on my plant "babies" (yes, I discovered I'm "that" lady) a few afternoons ago, I noticed that the stems were angling toward my open window, being guided out of the dirt by the sun and fresh air (yes, I also leave the window open during most of the day so they get daylight...and yes, it does get chilly in there). I turned the pots around in hopes the stems would straighten up a bit and not grow crooked. A couple hours later, the plants had angled toward the window again, in the opposite direction. And so, I've been "rotating" the teacups around throughout the day to encourage my herbs to grow straight and tall. 

Here we come to the crux of the matter: my little herbs, drawn out of the dirt toward the sun, reminded me of life. We are little humans, growing in a crooked and dark world, but as long as we look to the Son, we will grow strong and healthy in our faith. He lifted us out of our darkness and into his "marvelous light"! See 1 Peter 2:9 (English Standard).

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Hebrews 12:1-2 (English Standard, emphasis mine).

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:14-16 (English Standard).

I hope this simple story of my little teacup plants, looking to the sun for growth, will encourage you to look to the Son for salvation, endurance, and encouragement.

Hold fast to Jesus!

Sonia

Scattered Quarantined Passion Week Thoughts

The world has spiraled out of control since my last post, it feels like. Today, gatherings are not permitted, families aren't supposed to see each other (unless they are in the same household), "non-essential" businesses have been closed, and everyone is required to practice "social distancing." So many people have lost their jobs. The economy is struggling. History -- for the books -- is being written as we speak. Crazy times. So thankful that we serve a God who's got this in His hand (see last post).

Personally, while it certainly has many difficult moments, I've begun to enjoy this time. It sounds weird, but being home more (including working from home) has helped me to (start to) learn how to "slow down" and live life rather than focus only on meeting my goals (e.g. surviving the workday, finishing a video call, reading a book, preparing a meal, organizing something, taking a walk, maybe watching a movie -- even in those things that are "relaxing," I automatically anticipate the end of the activity). I'm working on enjoying the moment and trying to live in the "now" rather than "I wonder how now will look like after it's finished." Trying to spend more time in the Word, in prayer, and with family (the family in my household, that is). If there were ever a time to slow down and focus on growing in a relationship with God and family, now is that time. While I still wish there were more hours in the day, this quarantine is kind of nice -- don't get me wrong; I seriously miss church gatherings and hugging friends and family (like, a lot) -- as it has kind of made time slow down.

I think perhaps this Easter season has been the most reflective and blessed yet. Our church has been sending out daily videos over the week going over Jesus' final week on earth, and I've also been through a few Bible plans on my Bible app that go through these events as well. Some of the key aspects I've been thinking about from each day are:

-Thursday was Jesus' last supper with His disciples followed by his agony in the garden at Gethsemane, where He prayed for the cup to pass from Him if at all possible, yet submitted to the Father, acknowledging, "yet not as I will, but as you will."

-Friday was when He went to the cross and experienced the full cup of God's wrath. Where He nailed our sins to the cross.

-Today is a day of silent anticipation. Perhaps the disciples were hiding, grieving and confused over the death of the One they thought was the Savior. For us today, though, we anticipate tomorrow when Christ conquered death. 

The song, King of Kings has been running through my head all morning. 

In the darkness, we were waiting

Without hope, without light

'Til from Heaven You came running

There was mercy in Your eyes

To fulfill the law and prophets

To a virgin came the Word

From a throne of endless glory

To a cradle in the dirt

Praise the Father, praise the Son

Praise the Spirit, three in one

God of glory, Majesty

Praise forever to the King of Kings

To reveal the kingdom coming

And to reconcile the lost

To redeem the whole creation

You did not despise the cross

For even in Your suffering

You saw to the other side

Knowing this was our salvation

Jesus for our sake You died

Praise the Father, praise the Son

Praise the Spirit, three in one

God of glory, Majesty

Praise forever to the King of Kings

And the morning that You rose

All of Heaven held its breath

'Til that stone was moved for good

For the Lamb had conquered death

And the dead rose from their tombs

And the angels stood in awe

For the souls of all who'd come

To the Father are restored

And the church of Christ was born

Then the Spirit lit the flame

Now this gospel truth of old

Shall not kneel, shall not faint

By His blood and in His name

In His freedom I am free

For the love of Jesus Christ

Who has resurrected me, ohh

Praise the Father, praise the Son

Praise the Spirit, three in one

God of glory, Majesty

Praise forever to the King of Kings

Praise forever to the King of Kings

Finally, because rarely is a post complete without a picture, here is a "group" quarantine picture, in which Strong Ox's family came by to see Cowboy and Clari's newest baby, Chloe (who, by the way, has absolutely captured our hearts) -- we all stayed outside and didn't make any physical contact. It was wonderful to see them in person after nearly two months, but also super sad because we couldn't visit for long or have any physical contact.

Stability When the World Seems to Be Falling Apart

I've been struggling with anxiety over the past couple of weeks, in part for reasons I don't know, and also in part because of the growing panic of the world. Literally the world. Our state just closed all of its schools for 6 weeks, our work is having anyone with any symptoms of the flu work from home, stores are packed out and most are out of toilet paper and many household staples, people aren't allowed to gather in groups larger than 250, our church services need to be live-streamed, we can't see our grandparents, and the list goes on. 

Honestly, this is surreal and hard to accept. I don't even know how concerned to be or if I should be remaining calm or joining the hysteria. Well, I do know, I suppose, that I should be remaining calm and not joining the hysteria. Knowing this, however, doesn't make it easy to bring it to my heart and mind. 

The only stable direction I (and the world) can turn toward is up. Our Lord is in control of this situation and sees how it will play out. He commands us not to be anxious for anything but in everything by prayer and supplication -- with thanksgiving -- to let our requests be made known to Him, and His peace will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. (see Philippians 4:6-7) As a follower of Jesus, I want to take these words -- which are becoming even more real than they've ever been before -- to heart. 

I can rejoice because my future is sure. This broken world is temporary and isn't supposed to be easy. As I've written in past posts, hard times cause Jesus to become even sweeter. Right now, I'm struggling to appreciate this truth but am praying for grace to hold on to Jesus. Knowing Him surpasses -- or should surpass -- any amount of worldly comfort.  I am praying for the faith to cast my cares upon Him. (see 1 Peter 5:7) As I'm writing this and considering the context of 1 Peter, honestly, allowing anxiety to fester is prideful; it is not letting go and, as the cliche goes, "letting God." 

And so, with the world in a panic, I pray that we who have been saved by grace (an undeserved gift) through faith and the sacrificial blood (perfect payment for sin) of Jesus Christ may humble ourselves enough to find true peace in Him, knowing that He will see us through. 

In closing, and on a lighter note, here is a picture of Baby Ems and I, enjoying three "common grace" gifts from above: Family Time, Snow, and Spring Flowers. 

His Grace is Sufficient! (and oh, for grace to trust Him more!)

As a few people know, I've been in almost constant pain since November 25, 2019, when Miss Suzie and I were rear-ended at a stop. While Miss Suzie looks pretty much like new after spending over a month at the auto body shop, my pain has ebbed and flowed, and has recently been near an all-time high. It's amazing just how much getting rear-ended can mess up your neck and back...

That said, though, I've been trying to learn to trust Christ more fully in this. Last weekend was a weekend camp in the snow with our high school group, and I was in so much pain Monday-Thursday of that week I didn't know if I would be able to make it to the camp. I prayerfully decided to go ahead and go, and just take it easy at the camp, which started Friday evening. Several family members and friends were praying, not only for my physical pain, but that we leaders could be a true blessing to the students, and that the students would be drawn closer to Christ. 

Going to the camp, I tried to have the mindset that Christ would be glorified in my weakness, and his power would be made perfect through my physical limitations. We recently had a sermon on 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, which reads:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

(English Standard). While my "weakness" on a physical level is not nearly as dramatic as Paul's, or even of many other individuals living today, I knew I wouldn't be able to get through the camp without His sufficient grace. And His grace truly was sufficient. Praise God, my symptoms were decreased during the camp, and I was able to participate, albeit carefully, in most of the activities. No one suffered any serious injuries. We were able to stay up late in our cabins having meaningful conversations (and we leaders had the energy to do so!). During the camp, God was working in the hearts of the leaders and students alike, and I am mind-blown by how receptive and hungry so many of the students were to better know Christ. 

So, while my physical, and, on an even higher level, spiritual, state was that of great weakness, Christ's grace was sufficient and his power was displayed through His work in our and our students' hearts. 

I don't want to share this to make myself look good; I struggle with hypocrisy, pride, and self-focus on a daily -- even hourly -- basis. During the camp, while I tried to pour out myself in service to our girls, I was far from perfect. The above paragraphs don't talk about the inner turmoil I have with sin, or the self-doubt, distraction, and insecurity I felt during the camp. But, God used us broken leaders to work in the lives of young men and women. THAT is the point. His grace was sufficient. His power is made perfect in my weakness. "When I am weak, then I am strong," for the strength I am forced to rely on is not my own, but His.

This sister, Dad, and I were all able to go, plus one of our brothers (he as a student)

 This sweet young lady and I even got to make a snowman! 

The group, after our hike! There was supposed to be lots of snow, but although it was probably freezing, the snow had all blown away by mid-day, when we arrived at the summit. 

Hold fast to Jesus,

Sonia  

God. With. US.

The Holiday Season (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's) can be a difficult time for a lot of people, especially those who are going through a loss, are single (and wish they weren't), or those who don't have any family. The above are things that are common to humanity, and struggling with feelings of grief, loneliness, or sadness are not abnormal, and I would even dare to say, not typically sinful. However, for Christians, those feelings should not dictate our attitudes or actions. Those feelings should also not fester into discontentment but should instead remind us of the incredible truth that while we are all victims of a fallen world -- believers and unbelievers alike -- we who know Jesus have an ETERNAL HOPE giving us strength and joy to live on this TEMPORARY, and sometimes painful, world.

To be honest, I've personally been struggling with the Holiday Season (it was my dear mother who encouraged me by telling me it isn't a sin to feel sad, but it is to feel self-pity or have a bad attitude). As we've gotten closer to Christmas, though, I've been finding an incredible wonder at the marvel of the pinnacle of the Holiday Season -- Christmas, when we celebrate our God who came to earth in the form of a man so that we could come to HIM! There have been moments where I'm (nearly literally) floored at the wonder of it. 

Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. 19And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. 20But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.  

21She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins. 22All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet:

23“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,and they shall call his name Immanuel”(which means, God with us).  

24When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, 25but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name Jesus.

Matthew 1:18-25 (English Standard). God with us -- Jesus was and IS the GOD who is WITH US. 

The pastors at our church have shared a few sermons over the past weeks, and one of them shared how God initially communicated to us through things such as a burning bush (see, e.g., Exodus 3), words of prophets, etc. This wasn't something we could truly relate to or have a relationship with. When He sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, God in flesh, to earth, He opened a way for us to have a one-on-one relationship with Himself.

"For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, 6who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time." 1 Timothy 2:5-6 (English Standard).

It's difficult to even express it, but the incredible truth of Christmas is that God came to be WITH US; He came to live a perfect life, be murdered by those He created, face the full wrath of God for the sins of the world, and be raised to life again since death has no hold on Him (See, e.g., 1 Corinthians 15). God poured His wrath on His Son so that all who call upon the name of Jesus Christ in repentance, believing in the free gift of forgiveness and salvation, will be SAVED FROM THEIR SINS. What a wonder.

And so, while the "sentimental" part of the Holiday Seasons may be tainted by a bit of earthly pain, the reality of an incredible Savior coming to earth far surpasses those feelings.

Merry Christmas!

Sonia

I Feel Safer in the Darkness of God's Uncertainty Than in the Light of Human Logic

About a month ago, I moved out of my parents house into the empty living space (bedroom/bathroom) of Clari and Cowboy's house. Earlier this week, I loaded (almost) the last of my possessions in boxes and brought them to my new space, intending to unpack them today or tomorrow. It's going to be a challenging process to find homes for everything -- I didn't realize I had so many books until I tried to fit them into two boxes and instead needed about 5-6. Let's not even get started on clothes or shoes. Anyway, I was planning to have everything unpacked and organized before Thanksgiving. It was going to be great, and I was going to be so satisfied to have accomplished such a feat.

Today, I'm laying on my bed with ibuprofen in my system and a heat pack under my neck in the midst of my tornado of a living space, unable to clean anything or even hardly move, it seems. Whiplash. The first, and hopefully the last, time I've ever experienced it. I'm a "doer," a "getter-doner," and seeing my room like this without being able to clean it is honestly very difficult. Being an "invalid" without feeling sick is not easy; using PTO for time other than vacation feels kind of sad. 

The experiences and relationships of the last year have been showing me that I am extremely goal-oriented (perhaps to the point of "occasional" controlling tendencies, heh). I work toward the goal, and want to get there as soon as possible -- even if that means forgetting to slow down and enjoy the process. I like order, a plan, and checklists. Sure, spontaneous adventures are fun as long as I don't have to plan them (if that makes sense), but I feel like if there isn't a plan, time may be wasted or an opportunity missed. 

My sister and I were rear-ended on the way home from work yesterday, and while we weren't seriously injured, as alluded to above, I'm feeling quite a bit of pain in my neck and back and can't do much of anything. My dear Lady Suzanna Azura (aka "Miss Suzie") has been totaled -- pending the insurance appraiser determining the fact. On a side-note, I actually am pretty peaceful about losing my car; no one was seriously injured and I have insurance! (update from a week later: turns out Miss Suzie is not totaled after all, although she came awfully close and will be in the shop at least through the New Year.)

So, instead of organizing my living space, I'm stuck with lots of time and no physical ability to  utilize it how I would like. There are many thoughts running through my mind, but the one I want to stick is found in Isaiah 55:8-9, which says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither  are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (English Standard)

The past two months have been the most difficult in several years, and I'm trying to surrender everything to my Savior, Whose plans are much better than mine. I fail at this every day, but He is constantly reminding me of my helpless state, physically and spiritually. And so, I'm thankful for being slightly bed-ridden; if it weren't so I probably wouldn't have organized my thoughts enough to write this post.

While this post is kind of scattered, I hope the main idea still comes across: My Plans = Not Always God's Plans; God's Plans = The Best Plans. The struggle is real. So is the Savior, though.

"I feel safer in the darkness of God's uncertainty than in the light of human groundless logic. In this darkness I am standing on a solid foundation of the Word of God which gives me peace . . . I feel safer because I am holding the hand of the One who is not capable of cruelty." Tim Rasulov, Worshipping in Darkness 61 (2019).

Loving God: Loving Others

One of the themes God has been redirecting to me over the past month is loving others. Truly loving others. In late September, several ladies from our church gathered to watch a life stream of the Revive Our Hearts conference, and one of the speakers shared the following passage, and gleaned a truth from it that I hadn't really considered when reading it before.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Wonderful are your works; 

my soul knows it very well. 

My frame was not hidden from you, 

when I was being made in secret, 

intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, 

every one of them, the days that were formed or me, 

when as yet there was non of them.

Psalm 139:14-16 (English Standard). The speaker noted that, certainly, God has made us fearfully and wonderfully, and that we can rejoice in the fact that even our personalities, mental abilities, and appearance are not a mistake on His part. While a beautiful and encouraging reminder, what she shared after this stuck out to me. She noted that while the it is true that WE are fearfully and wonderfully made, we also need to recognize that EVERYONE else is, too. We should be seeing other individuals as just as treasured in God's eyes, and love them accordingly. 

The Bible constantly points us to the example of Christ and how He lived -- and died -- on this earth. He loved others perfectly.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 

Philippians 2:3-8 (English Standard)

At a Biblical Discipleship conference last Saturday, the speaker shared a truth that true Christians need to be constantly remembering: Your love for others will be in proportion to your love for God. There's that theme of seeing others as  treasured by God and loving them.

By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not o God, nor is the one who does not love his brother . . . . Beloved let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. . . . Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1 John 3: 10, 4:7-8, and 11 (English Standard). Scripture is filled with affirmation of the statement that our love for others will be an evidence of our love for God. Ask yourself: do I love others as Christ has loved me, above myself and beyond my comfort zone? Do I care for the brother or sister next to me, for whom Christ has died?

Bonus passage: 

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

2 Corinthians 5:16-21 (English Standard).

Bless the Lord, O My Soul

Psalm 103:1-5

Bless the LORD, O my soul,

and all that is within me,

bless his holy name!

Bless the LORD, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits,

who forgives all your iniquity,

who heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

who satisfies you with good

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Life threw a semi curve-ball last week, and the struggle has been real to see it as a good thing. My prayer for today is to not forget the incredible mercies of the Lord. He forgives our sins, heals our infirmities, comforts us in our sorrows, sanctifies us, and loves us with unending and limitless mercy and grace. My prayer is to find complete satisfaction in Him, the Giver -- and source -- of all good things!  As I recently read in James, every good and perfect give is from above -- "perfect" not meaning "fabulous" or "fun"; "perfect" meaning that regardless of what is happening, it is bringing us to perfection in Christ, that we may be presented mature and complete! 

Give Me Jesus 

Take the world, but give me Jesus,

All its joys are but a name;

But His love abideth ever,

Through eternal years the same.

Refrain:

Oh, the height and depth of mercy!

Oh, the length and breadth of love!

Oh, the fullness of redemption,

Pledge of endless life above!

Take the world, but give me Jesus,

Sweetest comfort of my soul;

With my Savior watching o’er me,

I can sing though billows roll.

Take the world, but give me Jesus;

In His cross my trust shall be,

Till, with clearer, brighter vision,

Face to face my Lord I see.