Over the past few weeks, I've been mediating on Psalm 139:16, which says "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." (English Standard).
Psalm 139 is one of the most well-known passages in the Bible, but verse 16 has really been hitting home lately -- he has FORMED every. single. one. of our days. Taken with the rest of the chapter (which discusses God's complete knowledge of our hearts and lives, his constant presence, and His protection of His children), this is bit scary and a lot encouraging. Jesus didn't just foreknow our lives (see what would happen); he literally formed every day -- He has created us for good works! See Ephesians 2:10. We have the "freedom" to follow Christ or not (free will); yet at the same time Christ has formed our days knowing exactly how we will respond. We are bound by His plan yet free to choose whom we will serve. A little bit mind-boggling.
While my simple mind can't truly grasp these incredible (apparent) semi-contradictions, my responses are actually found in verses 6 and 23-24. First, incredible wonder: "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it." In other words, "wow. I can't even." Second, a desire to freely be able to proclaim to the God of the universe "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
I may not understand this conundrum of being free yet bound (maybe a more learned theologian can), but am praying for grace to live a life of wisdom and devotion to Christ (see, e.g., Ephesians 5:15) that is centered on loving Him first and others second, while also resting in His promise that He has formed every day and will use me, despite my failures, to further His glory and also bring me safely to Himself (see, e.g., Romans 8:28).
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