Lately, God has really been challenging me to be transformed, from the inside out (transformation isn't entirely passive). I have been struggling with feelings of anxiety and self-pity (that's a horrible word, self-pity). The day-to-day struggles of life, imperfect relationships, pain and suffering in the world, and life decisions with no apparent answers are dragging me down.
Ephesians 5 kind of slapped me in the face (or heart) last night: "...but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord in your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:18b-21 (English Standard).
"Singing and making melody to the Lord in your heart..." I have not been singing and making melody to the Lord in my heart. I've been dragged down with anxious thoughts and haywire emotions that cause me to feel numb, wanting to be joy-filled and at the same time wanting to succumb to selfish sullenness. As a Christian, we should have inner JOY that will not be shaken, despite life circumstances. I can literally feel the conflict within myself, and it's frustrating and encouraging at the same time. Christ is working!
This entry is very scattered, I think, like my brain at the moment, but my prayer is that Christ will permeate my heart completely, helping me to deny ungodliness and selfish desire. One final, incomplete departing thought: The above passage points to "one another"; Christians aren't sanctified in a vacuum.
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